


five times van kissed eiichi

by iariru



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alcohol, Claustrophobia, Cooking, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Kissing It Better, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Minor Injuries, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Party, Pillow Fights, Sharing a Bed, Spooning, Teasing, Trapped In Elevator, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24734650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iariru/pseuds/iariru
Summary: and one time eiichi kissed back
Relationships: Kiryuuin Van/Ootori Eiichi, side natsusyo (implied), side reiran, side yamakira (implied)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	1. in the middle of a panic attack

**Author's Note:**

> yeah so i’m starting a new mini series ig

The first time, it was unplanned. Van had had a magazine shoot that day, and Eiichi was recording lines for a new drama CD he was in. Van’s shoot was on Eiichi’s way home from the studio, so he offered to pick him up. It was fine for a while, they even made a detour at a drive-through Starbucks, and exchanged inside jokes and stories of their workdays and fond memories of the earlier days of being in HE★VENS.

Disaster didn’t strike until they were inside the building, making their way up to the apartment.

Eiichi never trusted elevators, but it was between that or an eighteen floor walk-up, so. Lesser of two evils.

He pressed the button for the 18th floor, and leaned back when the silver doors glided shut. He felt the elevator jolt into motion, slowly lifting them up, up, up, and then, right as the number above them flashed to seven, a horrible screeching noise sliced through the musty confines of the elevator.

There were a few more sounds. Eiichi hoped and prayed that it wasn’t the sound of gears turning and coming to a halt, but what else could it have been?

All his worst fears came true when the elevator stopped, leaving the two of them suspended in the air.

Van lifted his eyebrows. “Hello?” A foot came hard against the metal walls of the elevator, then a balled fist. “Is this thing stuck? Hello?”

If anyone else had been with him, they would have told him that yes, Van, _obviously_ the elevator is stuck and no, pounding the walls isn’t going to solve the problem, and you need to press the emergency button, not just scream “Hello?” because no one will hear you. But it was Eiichi that was with him, and Eiichi was probably the worst person to consult in these types of situations.

“Oh well,” he whistled, taking a step back. “Guess we’re here ‘til someone comes lookin’ fer us. But hey! Look on the bright side, at least I’m not in this alone. Wanna play Twenty Questions or somethin’?” He grinned, but his enthusiastic offer was met with silence.

“Eiichan?”

This time, he was answered with a series of sniffles and shaky breaths. He whipped around, only to find a rather distressed-looking Eiichi, collapsed to the floor and hugging his knees to his chest, his forehead pressed between them as he rocked back and forth, his voice muffled as he repeated “no… no… no…” 

“Hey.” Van was at his friend’s side in record time. For now, he only pressed a hand to Eiichi’s shoulder. He hoped the motion was comforting enough. He would absolutely offer more contact if he needed to, but the last thing he wanted was to overwhelm Eiichi. The other man didn’t flinch at Van’s touch, so he began to rub his hand in a circular motion. “What is it?”

Eiichi whimpered. His face was still concealed between his legs, but Van could picture that it was marred with tears right now. “I… w-we… stuck… we’re…”

“Eiichan, don’t worry ‘bout that. We both already finished all our work fer the day, and Jichan n’ the others won’t be home fer a while so we don’t have to start cookin’ dinner fer quite some time anyways. S’not like we have anywhere t’ be!”

Eiichi’s breathing became more erratic, more hysterical, and he just barely squeaked out another few more words. “C-Can’t get out… we… can’t…”

Suddenly, the pieces fell into place.

Eiichi was claustrophobic.

Thinking on his feet, Van did the only thing he could think to do and pulled him into his arms. He could feel Eiichi’s tall frame trembling as he held the other man to his chest. A soft hand began to trace up and down his spine. “Shhh… hey. It’s gonna be fine, okay? I’m here. I’m here with you. Shhh, shhh.”

Hot tears dribbled from Eiichi’s violet eyes and down his cheeks, fogging his glasses. He nestled his head into Van’s shoulder, bawling unabashedly as the other man shushed him. He reciprocated the contact not by holding Van back, but by curling up into his chest, hands brushing at the fabric of his shirt and jacket, until Van was cradling him like a child.

Eiichi’s entire body shook with sobs, but each time another cry leaked out of him, Van would just give his body another squeeze. “Eiichan, we’re gonna be okay. Everything’s fine. We won’t be stuck here forever, okay? I promise.”

Eiichi’s cries only mildly subsided, and Van was growing increasingly agitated. Not at Eiichi for being upset, but at himself for not being able to do more. He hated seeing Eiichi cry, especially to this extent. He’d seen Eiichi get upset more than once but this? This was something completely new, and it wasn’t something Van liked. Seeing his dear friend in such a jarring amount of pain was hurtful, to say the least. He wanted nothing more than to take it all away.

In a final act of desperation, Van dipped Eiichi’s head back just a little, flicked some locks of hair out of his face, and then bent down to brush his lips against the center of Eiichi’s forehead.

It wasn’t a serious kiss, chaste and feather-light, but it did wonders in soothing Eiichi. Waves of calm rushed through him, Van not letting up on comforting the other man as one of his hands continued to lightly trail up his back, the other moving to toy with the auburn fronds of Eiichi’s hair.

“See? You’re safe. Nothin’ is going to happen. We’re gonna get out of here eventually,” he mumbled, Eiichi’s hair tickling his lips as his breath came warm against the crown of his leader’s head. Eiichi nodded slowly, reluctantly, but not before letting out a staggered exhale.

Eventually, Eiichi unentangled himself from Van’s embrace, moving his arms to swipe at his damp eyes with a rolled-up sleeve. A few more deep breaths and Eiichi was ready to speak, though his voice was rough and shaky in stark contrast to its usual polished, velvety tone.

“Th-thank you, Van… I’m really sorry, I…”

“Don’t apologize.” Van reached out and took his hand. “Nothin’ t’ be sorry for. I’m jus’ glad you’re okay.”

Eiichi pressed his lips into a thin line, motioning towards the emergency button behind them.

“Hm? Oh.” Van punched the button, then smiled warmly back at him. “See? Help’s on the way. We’re gonna be fine.”

“I need a distraction,” Eiichi stammered, teeth digging into his lip.

“Sure thing.” Van flicked a stray tear from Eiichi’s cheek with his knuckle. “How about that game of Twenty Questions?”

Neither of them mentioned the kiss, not even after they were rescued by the building’s engineers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? projecting my phobias onto eiichi? it’s more likely than you think  
> i wrote this REALLY early in the morning bc i woke up from a nightmare that badly triggered my claustrophobia (elevators are literally my own personal hell) & i needed to comfort myself. it was originally going to be standalone but then i realized i liked where i was going with it so i made some adjustments and bam we got ourselves a new multi-chapter fic baybee


	2. to heal an injury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> put some of my van family hcs in this one, i sure hope they aren't all proven wildly incorrect by canon  
> tw for minor descriptions of blood/injury !

Neither of them mentioned the incident in the elevator for quite some time. Eiichi brushed it off as Van just wanting to comfort him. He had been hysterically crying and hyperventilating, after all, so Van probably did the first thing he could think of. No big deal. It had definitely worked, after all, but Eiichi tried not to let it show that he still thought about it afterwards. The feeling of being swaddled in Van’s arms, of warm lips ghosting over his forehead - it was nice. Eiichi had gotten just a taste of Van’s intimate affection, and though it was in a less than desirable situation, he couldn’t stop himself from wanting more. From wondering what a kiss from Van would feel like in other places.

Things went back to normal, and Eiichi was perfectly content with that. He loved being around Van. Something about his presence was so calming, to the point Eiichi felt it was nearly impossible to be sad or anxious if Van was with him. Even just cooking side by side was soothing.

And that’s what they were doing right now. Nagi and Eiji were out doing work-related things, Kira was at the piano, Shion was taking a nap, and Yamato was hitting his weekly gym trip which left Eiichi and Van in charge of dinner for the evening. They opted for a curry dish, something fairly simple since it was late. The two of them worked in comfortable silence together, the only sounds the sizzle of the stove, the chopping of ingredients, and a few idle notes from Kira’s piano ringing out.

Eiichi wrung his hands on a towel after peeling the final potato, cold from letting the icy water of the sink run over them for extended periods of time. “Van, can you pass me that knife?”

“Sure thing.” The knife was handed to him, and Eiichi smiled in thanks.

Adjusting his glasses, Eiichi set the freshly-peeled potato onto a cutting board and held it firmly with his knuckles curved. The knife made a somewhat satisfying noise as it slid through the white flesh of the potato before thumping against the cutting board. He pulled his hand further back to let the knife make another slice. Another inch backwards. Another slice. Another inch backwards. Another…

“Shit!” The knife clattered as it fell hard against the kitchen counter. Eiichi raised his hand to his mouth instinctively, only to jerk it back at the unpleasant, salty taste that assaulted his senses. A small chunk of his skin was peeling away, revealing glistening red flesh beneath. Droplets of blood emerged from the gash and began their travel down his arm.

Van looked over at him as soon as he heard the first wince of pain. At the sight of blood, he rushed to Eiichi’s side, the rice he had been stirring all but forgotten about. “Lemme have a look at it.”

“I’m fine, Van.”

“ _No_ , you’re not. Look how much you’re bleedin’. C’mon, lemme see it.” Before the other man could argue further, Van reached out and gripped Eiichi’s wrist so he could closer inspect the wound. Eiichi’s entire hand was now coated in a thin layer of crimson, and the cut was only continuing to gush.

Van smeared a stray drop of blood away with his thumb. He clicked his tongue. “It doesn’t look deep enough t’ require stitches, but you’re gonna need t’ wrap it in some gauze. I’ll be right back with the first aid kit, ‘kay? Hold a paper towel to it while ’m gone.”

Eiichi nodded and did as he was told, and Van was off. He returned minutes later with the first aid kit they kept in the apartment in tow.

“Yer hand, please.”

His face flushing, Eiichi extended a limp hand to his friend, who took it delicately in his own. Eiichi averted his eyes - he was used to taking care of everyone else, not being taken care of. Having his friend tend to his wound was embarrassing, to say the least, but he trusted Van, so he let it happen.

Eiichi winced when he felt a stinging sensation ripple throughout his skin. “Sorry,” Van mumbled, delicately dabbing at the lesion with a cotton ball saturated in rubbing alcohol. He gently blew on the exposed flesh to cool it down a bit, and the tension in Eiichi’s muscles eased.

A few minutes later, Eiichi’s hand was as blood-free as it had been before. His gash was thoroughly cleaned and concealed with a gauze pad, which Van had tightly wrapped an adhesive bandage around. He assured Eiichi that the bandage wouldn’t come undone if he didn’t pick at it, and advised him to replace it within the next three hours or so.

“Thank you, Van,” Eiichi mumbled, lightly tracing the bandage around his finger. He looked up at his friend curiously. Honestly, he was impressed with how smoothly Van handled the situation. It seemed almost uncharacteristic of him; Van was so laid-back and happy-go-lucky all the time, it sometimes surprised Eiichi when he was reminded that Van had a serious side as well. “I didn’t realize you were so adept at handling medical emergencies. Where did you learn this stuff?”

Van chuckled, scratching at the back of his head. “Ah, my big sis is a doctor. She was always really good at takin’ care of me an’ my other siblings whenever we got roughed up from playin’ when we were little, so I guess I jus’ kinda picked it up from her.” He shrugged.

Eiichi always found it interesting that there was such a contrast between his and Van’s family situations. Eiichi was the eldest sibling, Van the youngest. Eiichi’s family was small, while Van had three siblings. Eiichi lacked a mother and Van, a father. Van seldom talked about his family but when he did, it was with such fondness that Eiichi couldn’t help but smile.

“Ah, there’s one thing she always did that I forgot t’ do, though.”

“Oh? And what’s that?”

Van held out a palm, wordlessly requesting Eiichi’s hand once more. Eiichi’s lips parted, but he tentatively allowed their palms to meet. Van smiled at him, leaned his head down, and pressed a firm kiss to the affected area, right at the place where skin met bandage.

Heat broke out across Eiichi’s face as Van pulled back. He could feel the flutter of Van’s lips lingering against his skin, his stomach doing backflips. The loving glint in Van’s chocolate eyes and the smile tugging at the corners of his lips didn’t do much to keep his pounding heartbeat at bay.

“Better now?” Van whispered after the two spent a few moments staring into each other’s eyes.

“Mhm.” Eiichi tried to retain eye contact with Van, but his gaze kept flitting down to the other man’s lips. “Yeah… much better. Thank you.”

They went back to making dinner, but whenever Van wasn’t looking, Eiichi’s fingers would trace over the space he had kissed once more.


	3. as a dare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> threw some blink-and-you'll-miss-it yamakira in here cuz they're my second favorite ship and i love them

The third kiss was planned, but not by either one of them.

Eiichi was sure that there was something between them by this point. He didn’t want to attach a name to it, but it was _something_. Van had kissed him twice. That’s more than once. The first time made sense, given Eiichi was having a panic attack and otherwise inconsolable, but kissing his injury after he had already cleaned and bandaged it? Van did _not_ have to do that, but he did it anyways. He never kissed anyone else’s cuts or bruises, so why…

Eiichi’s head was spinning. So many unanswered questions. So many unrecognized feelings. He didn’t know what to do other than just to wait it out and let things happen on their own, but Eiichi had the very opposite of a “go-with-the-flow” type personality. Everything in his life had to be carefully planned and strategized.

Having Van kiss him on two separate occasions, and then having all his thoughts clouded by those two incidents for weeks after, was not part of any of his plans.

Eiji noticed it too. How Eiichi’s gaze would linger on Van for just a little too long as he was leaving. How his eyes kept darting down to focus on Van’s lips whenever they got close. He knew something was up, which is why what Eiji did that night, he one hundred percent did on purpose.

Eiichi wasn’t sure whether to be mad and call him a traitor, or to thank him.

Technically, it was Nagi’s fault. The night had started in a pretty typical manner. The boys were all jovial from having just finished a drama that took them _months_ to complete from beginning to end, so they were treating themselves to a mini party. They allowed themselves to indulge in all the foods prohibited by their idol diets, dining on pizza and soda and ice cream. Eiichi was crushing everyone else at Mario Kart and Yamato was only slightly more hyperactive than usual, his body unused to its current levels of sugar intake. Then, Nagi had the _genius_ idea to propose a game of truth or dare, but with a twist - the only option was dare.

Everyone in the room agreed that it sounded like fun. Even Eiichi agreed to it, because how was he supposed to know it would end the way it did?

They all sat cross-legged in a circle on the floor, in the order of the letters that appeared in the group’s name. Yamato would be the one to start, in correspondence with their letter order, then Eiji would follow, and so on. The first rule they established was that there were no rules; anyone could dare or ask anyone anything. The second - only slightly more flexible than the first - was that nobody could pass up a dare, no matter how embarrassing or ridiculous it was.

Eiichi regretted that later. Oh, how he wished they had set down more rules. How badly he wanted to abolish that accursed second rule.

“Kira!” Yamato clapped his hands together, amber eyes staring pointedly at the other man, who merely lifted his eyebrows in curiosity. “I dare you… to attempt a handstand!”

Kira sighed, but he knew what the rules of the game were. Plus, he wasn’t the type to argue in general. He wordlessly stood up, smoothing the wrinkles in his clothes as the others scooted back, creating a clearing for him to display his gymnastic skills, or lack thereof. Kira took a deep breath, straightened his arms in front of him, pressed his palms firmly against the floor, lifted his feet off the ground, and…

“Holy fuck!” Yamato gaped as Kira came toppling forward, his legs flipping over his head and back curving to unnatural levels. He managed to twist himself back around, but not without struggling to do so. While the other members of the group dissolved into hysterical laughter, the athlete bit his lip, peeking at Kira with concern. “Pretty sure I just heard a crack… are you okay?”

Golden eyes fluttered open, soft with a look of contentment. “I’ve been… trying to crack my back… all day…” he moaned.

Yamato laughed and offered Kira a hand. “Glad you’re okay.” Yamato pulled Kira next to him, and the two stayed next to each other for the rest of the game. Nobody said anything about it.

“Eiji’s turn,” Nagi pointed out, his voice still twinkling with the residue of his earlier giggling fit.

“Hmmm…” Droopy violet eyes surveyed the group. Eiji squinted and pursed his lips, feigning that he was thinking long and hard about who his victim would be. and what challenging task he would bestow upon them. In reality, he had begun crafting his plan ever since Nagi brought up the truth or dare idea. Now, it was time to set it into action.

“Van!” His gaze eventually came to lock on a certain brown-eyed brunette. Van flinched when his name was called. Eiji’s lips curved into a knowing smile.

“I dare you… to kiss the person on your immediate right!”

Van turned to his right, his face lighting up at the sight of a flushing, sweating Eiichi. “Ooh! I get to kiss Eiichan? How spicy!”

“Oh! Is the person on your right nii-san? I didn’t notice,” Eiji chuckled.

Eiichi shot daggers at him. Of course he noticed! He totally noticed. They were sitting in the order of the letters in the group name. E - the E in Eiichi, specifically - came after V. There was no way Van would be sitting next to anybody else. Eiji only shrugged, and smiled sweetly.

“Alrighty! Rule number two; no passin’ up on dares is allowed. Better pucker up, Eiichan! Hope ya brushed yer teeth.”

“Um…” Eiichi swallowed thickly as Van scooted closer. “Hold up. The dare was that _you_ had to kiss _me_. Not that we had to kiss each other. Or that I had to… reciprocate.”

Van blinked. “You don’ wanna kiss me?”

“It’s not that, I just - ”

“You _do_ wanna kiss me!”

“Oh my God, Van! Just get it over with,” Eiichi huffed.

Van erupted into peals of laughter. “Alright, alright.” He inched forward just a bit more, until he and Eiichi’s thighs were brushing against each other. The hairs on the back of Eiichi’s neck erected. Warm fingers caressed the spot under Eiichi’s chin, tickling slightly. Van’s index finger came to rest against Eiichi’s jaw, which he used to tilt the other man’s face towards his so they were facing each other directly.

Amethyst eyes fastened onto honey brown. Eiichi could feel warm breath ghosting over his skin. The pad of Van’s thumb began to lightly trace at the corner of Eiichi’s lip, circling right over his mole, and Eiichi gulped. The image of Van in front of him was becoming increasingly blurrier as he leaned in closer, closer, until he was just a crosshatch of fair skin and brown hair and his eyes were overlapping each other and then -

And then, his lips came hard against Eiichi’s cheek, just barely swerving away from his mouth at the very last second.

Nagi was making a show of gagging and thrusting his finger into his mouth, while Kira and Shion bashfully averted their eyes, and Eiji and Yamato cackled gleefully. “Ohhh, that was _priceless_!” Yamato cried, flicking a tear of mirth from his eyes. “You really had us going there, Van. I was _so_ ready to have to cover up a media scandal.”

“Look how red nii-san is,” Eiji giggled behind his hands. “It looks like he’s about to explode!”

“Alright!” Eiichi barked with a snap of his fingers. “Van was given a dare, and he completed it. Moving on, then!”

Eiji wouldn’t stop smirking at him throughout the rest of the game. Eiichi was just about ready to drag him by the hand to somewhere he could scold his brother in privacy. When his turn to give a dare rolled around, though, he grinned at Eiji evilly, and the younger man gulped nervously, knowing revenge was in motion.

Eiichi only felt slightly bad for daring him to drink a glass of vinegar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i'm the eiichi stan who drank vinegar on twitter and no i don't want to talk about it


	4. while intoxicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a longer chapter! this one pushed the fic up to a T rating due to alcohol, cursing, and some vague sexual references.

Parties were officially cursed.

Or were they blessed? Eiichi wasn’t sure at this point.

Maji Love Kingdom was finally over after months of hard work. All eighteen boys agreed it had been the most mentally and physically taxing, but also the most exhilarating and rewarding concert of their entire lives. But no matter how tired they were, it didn’t feel right to just call it quits and go home right after the concert ended. Some sort of celebration was needed, and Reiji and Otoya had proposed that they all commemorate the completion of their passion project with a massive party.

So they all booked themselves a penthouse for the evening, complete with a hot tub and a massive flat-screen television set that played nothing but footage of the weekend’s concert, as well as past performances by each group. The room was alight with music, laughter, neon lights that cast fluorescent pinks and blues across the walls, and all-around positive energy. The food was all catered - the three leaders of each respective group had established a strict _no home cooking_ rule. They had worked hard enough over the past few months, this was a night for them all to relax, let loose, and have fun. The last thing anyone needed was more responsibilities.

Eiichi was currently lingering around the horderves, shoveling a record amount of spicy tuna rolls into his mouth. He was happily conversing with Natsuki, who was relaying the story of how he and Syo met as children. Natsuki spoke of Syo with such a strong sense of fondness laced in his velvety voice, his emerald eyes sparkling each time he mentioned a particularly cherished memory. Eiichi definitely sensed the existence of something more than platonic companionship between them, but didn’t bring it up, simply smiling at the taller man.

“Hope there are still some of those deviled eggs left!”

Eiichi couldn’t help but smile at the sound of Otoya’s warm voice. He stepped aside to allow his friend easier access to the table behind them. “Almost a whole plate; knock yourself out.”

Otoya grinned and reached for the plate before beginning to chow down, making Eiichi laugh. The two of them were somewhat an unlikely pair, but following the whole duet project ordeal, they found that they got along quite nicely, and a rather strong friendship had formed between the respective group leaders since then.

“Don’t make yourself sick,” Eiichi chuckled, placing his hand on the crown of Otoya’s head and ruffling the fluffy red spikes. The younger man responded by furrowing his brows.

“I could say the same to you! Hardly anyone else got to try those spicy tuna rolls because you were hoarding them all,” Otoya retorted, his words muffled by the food he was still chewing.

“Alright, you got me. Pot calling the kettle black. In any case, what are you doing at the buffet? Weren’t you planning to go into the hot tub?”

“ _Was_ , but Rei-chan and Ranmaru-senpai are making out in there,” Otoya grumbled. Eiichi craned his neck to get a look - sure enough, Reiji was straddling Ranmaru’s waist, the rocker’s large hands firmly gripping his hips as their lips devoured one another, their bare torsos glistening with water from the tub. Eiichi could only cringe at the sight.

“Do those two ever keep their hands off one another?”

“Nope,” Natsuki and Otoya said in unison.

“What, are ya talkin’ about you an’ meeee?”

Eiichi didn’t even have the time to register whose voice it was coming from behind him before a pair of short arms were sloppily strewn around his chest. Van rubbed his cheek against Eiichi’s, and the bespectacled man could smell the sting of booze riding on his breath.

Eiichi sighed. “No, Van. I was talking about Ranmaru and Kotobuki.”

“Awww, but Eiichaaaan! I fought what we had was _speshul_.” His words were drawn-out and overlapping one another, a clear sign that Van had consumed more alcohol than he was capable of holding. Eiichi felt heat rising in his face and shooting up to the tips of his ears; partially due to secondhand embarrassment for Van, but mostly from the words he was saying.

“Errr…” Otoya stared blankly as he tried to make sense of the situation unfolding in front of him, while Natsuki was not shy in voicing his wonder.

“Uwaaa! Eiichi-kun, Van-kun, are you two - ”

Both responded at the same time, but each with a different answer.

“No.”

“Not yet.”

Eiichi turned to frown at him. Van giggled, nuzzling into Eiichi’s cheek again. The taller man huffed. “Never mind that. How much did you drink?”

“Uhhhhhh…” Van stuck his tongue out, his bottom lip unfolding as he attempted to recount his evening’s drinking habits. “Liiiike. Three or four beers. I fink.”

“You’ve always been a bit of a lightweight,” Eiichi sighed. “Is it time for you to turn in for the night?”

“Noooo!” Van harshly protested, stamping a foot against the ground like a child. “I’m habin’ a _gooooood_ time. I dun’ wanna stop now. I can barty alllllll night.”

“Alright, alright. But no more drinks for you. You’ve had enough.”

“Psssshhh. Screw dat. I’ll drink as much as I wa - ” Van abruptly halted in the middle of his own sentence, his words being intercepted with a burp, followed by a hiccup, followed by a gag. Eiichi looked down at him, eyebrows furrowed in concern. The skin of Van’s face was notably a few shades lighter than usual, his eyes already drooping with fatigue.

“Okay, that’s it. You need to at _least_ lie down and rest for a while.”

“But Eiichiiii!”

Giving him no room to protest, Eiichi grabbed his friend’s hand and began to drag him away from the party, resulting in the smaller man whining indignantly and struggling to twist his hand away. Van waved pathetically at Otoya and Natsuki, who waved back before whispering to each other about what could possibly be going on between those two. Eiichi’s brows crinkled when he caught wind of their giggles and murmurs drifting through the lively air. Could they be any more immature? Gossiping like a pair of schoolgirls, and over _what_! Over Eiichi taking care of his _friend_ who was _clearly_ drunk and couldn’t take care of himself? Please. Speaking of, why was nobody else stepping up to the plate to babysit Van? Where were the rest of HE★VENS when he needed them?

It took a bit of a struggle - when did Van get so _heavy_? - but Eiichi eventually succeeded in dragging a complaining Van up the stairs, and leading him into one of the empty bedrooms. Eiichi wasn’t the strongest person alive, his physical brawn nowhere near that of Natsuki or Yamato, but given how small Van was in comparison to him, it wasn’t much of a challenge hoisting him up onto the bed.

Van flopped onto his stomach, then flipped over onto his back, groaning and shielding his eyes with his arm.

“You don’t have to stay here the whole night, but I want you to at least stay until you’ve sobered up a bit,” Eiichi explained to him gently.

“Eiichan, will you stay wif meeee?” Brown eyes shifted up to gaze at him pleadingly, complete with a pout.

Eiichi sighed. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do, plus he didn’t trust Van enough to leave him on his own. He nudged the door shut with the toe of his shoe, not turning back around until he was sure he heard it clicking into place. “Fine.”

Eiichi toed off his shoes and lazily kicked them into the corner of the room before climbing into the bed alongside Van, filling the empty space in the mattress next to him. He didn’t bother to peel back the sheets, their bodies settling on top of the comforter instead.

“Yaaay~” Van rolled over so that he was close to Eiichi, the stupidest smile plastered to his face. He threw an arm around Eiichi’s waist and snuggled into his chest, sighing contentedly as he did so. Eiichi smiled despite himself, curling a hand around the small of Van’s back.

They stayed like that for a while, Van’s ear pressed against Eiichi’s chest close enough to hear the rhythmic battering of his heartbeat. Eiichi just held him close, like he’d slip away if he took his hand off. In all honesty, he was so loopy from the alcohol that he probably would.

Eiichi peered down at Van. His eyes were closed and face serene as if he was sleeping, though his breathing gave him away. Instinctively, Eiichi reached a hand up to stroke through his hair. It was mussed and tangled, a contrast from its usual put-together style.

“Hey,” Van eventually whispered, his voice slightly muffled due to his position against Eiichi’s chest obstructing his lips.

“Hm?”

“Do you like me?”

Van moved so he was resting higher up on Eiichi’s chest. The taller man’s eyes remained bolted onto the ceiling. “Of course I like you, Van. You’re one of my most cherished friends.”

“Das not what I meant,” he whispered, the slurring in his voice slowly fading away, but still there.

He rolled over, hoisting himself up until he was on top of Eiichi instead of right next to him. He was kneeling on all fours, palms and knees sinking into the plush mattress, his hands on either side of Eiichi’s shoulders and legs on either side of his hips. Eiichi’s breath hitched as soon as he felt Van’s legs brushing against his. The sudden contact between them halted all of his movements; all he could do was stare up at the other man, his body still as a doll’s. Van swept some of Eiichi’s hair from his face, and then, with nary a second for Eiichi to prepare himself, he swooped in and crushed his lips against the other’s.

“Mmf!” Eiichi gasped out in shock, a noise that was lost into Van’s mouth. Van began to move his lips against the other man’s, toying with them and moving like he was trying to swallow Eiichi whole. 

Eiichi had never expected his first kiss to go anything like this. In the movies, first kisses are slow and romantic. They start by slowly leaning towards each other before two sets of lips finally meet, tentatively fluttering against one another at first and then becoming increasingly passionate as a flame ignites and then grows inside both parties. They happen at beaches and under the stars and in front of fireworks and with violins playing in the background. They didn’t happen at parties in a random bedroom with your drunk best friend on top of you. They weren’t supposed to taste bitter like vodka and they _weren’t_ supposed to be fast and sloppy.

The second he felt Van’s lips crash into his, Eiichi felt heat burst throughout his entire body. But he couldn’t even kiss back. He lay completely static, letting Van’s lips explore around his while he remained completely motionless, not even closing his eyes or blinking.

“Eiichiiiii,” Van whispered, his breath hot. “C’mon, play wit’ me.”

“Van…” Eiichi choked out.

Van’s mouth returned to his, and Eiichi was just as dumbfounded and useless as before. The shorter man took things an extra step further when he began to poke his tongue at the corners of Eiichi’s mouth and tug at Eiichi’s lower lip with his teeth, cheekily requesting access inside. Unsure of what else to do, Eiichi let his lips separate, and Van took the plunge immediately, his tongue gliding into the other man’s mouth with ease.

“Mmngh…” This was a lot to take in. Eiichi’s mouth had become Van’s personal playground, and Eiichi was doing absolutely nothing in response to the situation. He wasn’t stopping it, but he wasn’t going along with it either. Why wasn’t he doing anything? Was it maybe because both options sounded like they shared an equal amount of pros and cons, and Eiichi wasn’t sure which one he should go with?

The shorter man did depart after a few seconds, leaving only a translucent string of their saliva in his wake that connected their lips like some sort of low-brow red string of fate. Van’s breaths were heavy, his chest rapidly rising and falling while he tried to steal back the air he had lost while kissing him.

“You’re not kissin’ back,” Van finally spoke. His voice seemed significantly less garbled than before. Was he sobering up?

Eiichi couldn’t say anything back, not even when Van’s fingers began to dance and ride along the contours in his collarbones.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Eiichi shook his head.

“Do you want me to continue?”

“I don’t know.”

Van leaned back down to slide his lips along Eiichi’s jawline instead, and the bespectacled man let a breathless moan billow up from his throat.

“Eiichi,” Van whispered. Hearing his actual name rather than his usual nickname of _Eiichan_ in the other man’s voice sent a shiver eddying up his spine. “What are you afraid of?”

“Van, I…” Even if Eiichi had known what to say in response to the harrowing question, it would have been lost as Van distracted him by raining a barrage of kisses onto the warm, goosebump-ridden skin of Eiichi’s neck.

“Van,” he mewled, his voice small and helpless. The man in question continued his descension down Eiichi’s upper body, lips coming to stop right at the base of Eiichi’s shoulder.

Both their heads snapped up at the creak of the door swinging open.

“Oh shit, uh…” A staggered-looking Ranmaru stood in the door frame, his arm coiled possessively and tightly around the waist of Reiji, who had his head lolled against one of Ranmaru’s generous pecs. Their bodies were still wet from the hot tub. Eiichi could identify the obvious imprint of human teeth haloing a spot on Ranmaru’s neck, the purple bloom of a bruise clearly manifesting beneath it.

“If we’re interrupting something, we can just go to another room, s’not a problem,” Ranmaru mumbled, jerking his thumb in the direction of the hallway. Mismatched eyes pointed away from the scene before him.

Reiji and Ranmaru relocating to another room would be, in fact, ideal. But not without Eiichi ensuring they _knew_ that whatever they thought was happening _wasn’t_ really happening. That was one of his fatal flaws - too overly concerned with outsiders’ perceptions of him. Always needing to be _right_ and feeling the need to prove something, all the damn time.

“It’s not what it looks like,” he blurted out, in spite of another wet, messy kiss being pressed against his neck.

“Really?” Ranmaru’s brows shot up dubiously, clicking his tongue. “Because what it _looks like_ is that you two are hooking up, and while I don't wanna make any assumptions, given…” - he motioned towards them - “what I’m looking at right now, I think it's a pretty reasonable one. Unless you got bitten by some kinda poisonous spider and Van’s tryna suck the venom outta you? 'Cause that’s the only other valid excuse I can think of.”

“Ran-Ran! Don’t be mean!” Reiji scolded him with a light shove to the ribs with his elbow. He grinned at the other two men, his cheeks slightly flushed, probably from embarrassment at having walked in on such an intimate scene. “We won’t bother you kids! Have fun, be safe!”

Just as Eiichi was about to retort that _it wasn’t like that_ , the couple scrambled out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind them. Eiichi sighed, rubbing his temples as he felt the oncoming of a headache begin to tug at him. He hadn’t even had any alcohol tonight, but he sincerely doubted it was brought on by anything other than his own conflicting feelings.

“Whatever, I think we can trust them not to blab, at least,” Eiichi muttered. “Right, Van?”

No response.

Eiichi nudged him lightly. “Van?”

The sound of Van’s snoring broke out through the otherwise silent air, reverberating against Eiichi’s chest. Eiichi rolled his eyes, then smiled softly. Carefully, he attempted to gingerly peel Van’s hands away from his torso and slip out unnoticed from beneath the other man’s sleeping body, but Van tightened his grip around him, locking Eiichi into an embrace he wouldn’t get out of without waking Van up.

“Fine,” Eiichi whispered, though he knew Van wouldn’t hear him. “I’ll stay. I just hope nobody else comes in.”

His own eyes began to feel heavy eventually, too, Van’s breaths soothing him. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if he just took a quick nap, right…? He removed his glasses and set them onto a nearby nightstand; then his lashes slammed shut, and he felt his muscles relax, his own breathing pattern evening out.

Van was out cold for the rest of the night, but Eiichi was abruptly pulled from his sleep within mere minutes when he made the unfortunate discovery that A. Ranmaru and Reiji had elected to take the room _right_ next to theirs and B. the walls in this place were paper-fucking-thin.


	5. in the darkness of a hotel room

The thing about Eiichi’s claustrophobia was that it was entirely situational. Being trapped in, say, an elevator, for example, was acutely distressing. On the other hand, being “trapped” in a hotel bed, tucked tightly under thick layers of blankets and being pushed against the wall because he had to make room for his friends… that was an example of a scenario where he didn’t mind the feeling of being stuck so much.

They always did this whenever they had to stay in a hotel for work. Two beds, one king sized and one queen so they could pack as many people onto each mattress as physics and spatial reasoning would allow them to. It was somewhat an unusual practice for a group of such high renown, but it saved them quite a bit of money on hotels, and it wasn’t like any of them minded the dog-piling either. The warmth radiating from their bodies would trickle down and surround them all in a soft glow. Eiichi loved the feeling of being close to his friends like this; it made him feel more complete, as corny as that sounded.

Right now, it was the day after the Maji Love Kingdom afterparty and the four eldest members of HE★VENS were lined up onto a mattress like a can of sardines. Nagi and Shion were peacefully resting on a slightly smaller bed adjacent to theirs, both leaning their heads against Eiji’s shoulders. The younger Otori had his arms around each of their backs as Nagi squirmed, his nose and eyebrows twitching, deep in some sort of dream. Shion’s sleeping face, on the other hand, was perfectly serene, letting out soft breaths in his sleep as the ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

Eiichi was on the edge of the king-sized bed, his lungs feeling tighter than usual. This wasn’t necessarily due to the limited amount of space he was confined into, though; rather, it was a result of the man who was currently lying right next to him.

The events of the previous night were not quickly forgotten by either male. Eiichi and Van had ended up staying in the penthouse overnight, though Van was already gone by the time Eiichi woke up, and they proceeded to spend the majority of the day avoiding one another. Eiichi’s main issue with the entire situation was that he didn’t _want_ to completely shut Van out. He wanted to look into Van’s eyes. Wanted to hear his voice. Wanted, even if he was disinclined to admit it, to _be_ with him, and as more than just good friends or - God forbid their relationship ever become demoted to this - business partners.

But after what happened the other night? He desperately needed to collect himself before he was ready for any sort of confrontation. He just needed _time_ , that was all. Time away from him so he could expertly craft the right things to say. That plan, of course, was foiled as he and his friends all stuffed their bodies into the bed that night, the taffeta falling delicately over them.

Eiichi ended up next to Van, just his luck.

Yamato and Kira were spooning on the other side of the bed, the larger man’s brawny arms wrapped protectively around the pianist. Their bodies fit together perfectly as Kira nestled into him, his back to his chest. Both parties involved would no doubt deny it if it was brought up in the morning, so Eiichi decided he would keep quiet. Van was to their left, which landed Eiichi a spot at the very edge of the bed, uncomfortably bending himself against the hard wall so he could accommodate both his own body and Van’s, rather than just allowing them to become the tangle of limbs they would usually morph into throughout the night each time they did this. He had gone out of his way all day to avoid having to run into Van, and now here he was, involuntarily absorbing body heat from the man in question.

Did Eiichi have the worst luck in the world? No, it couldn’t be the _worst_ , because he had met Van, and meeting Van was lucky. But God _damn_ , if things didn’t turn out differently than how he wanted them to a majority of the time. The Goddess of Fate was really fucking around with him lately, huh.

He felt Van scoot closer, and he sucked in a breath at the feeling of movements beside him. A wisp of air rapped lightly against the nape of Eiichi’s neck, tickling and causing goosebumps to spread across his skin like a wildfire. The taller man squeezed his eyes shut, his lips drawing together into a tight line. Maybe, just maybe, Van was asleep. Maybe he could put the conversation off until the morning, when he was rested and had given himself ample time to think things over and his mind wasn’t incessantly buzzing with thoughts of -

“Ya know, if you’re uncomfortable, Eiichan, you can come closer to me. I don’t mind it.”

That voice, that voice like warm caramel, rang out through the dark, destroying any last hope Eiichi had left of being able to evade this. Letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, Eiichi accepted his defeat. “Mhm… Thank you, Van.” He allowed himself to settle in the bed a bit more, inching back so there was enough distance between himself and the wall to fit his hands there.

As soon as he felt Eiichi’s back against his chest, Van swung his leg up to hook it around Eiichi’s hips, effectively trapping him. The younger man’s breath hitched. Smirking, Van sheathed both arms around Eiichi’s torso and pulled him in. Their bodies were now right together, Van’s arms creating a barricade that limited any movements forward on Eiichi’s part. “Gotcha,” he purred into Eiichi’s ear. “Ya can’t escape now.”

Eiichi frowned, trying to ignore the shudder that Van’s teasing - and _right_ into his ear, too - sent crawling up his spine. “I wasn’t planning to go anywhere in the first place.”

“I dunno if I believe that.”

“What if I need to get up to pee?”

Van giggled. “If ya need t’ pee, just say so, an’ I’ll letcha up.”

“Okay.”

They stayed like that for a while, Eiichi enveloped in Van’s tight embrace, his bare feet against the wall. Eiichi was sure that Van had fallen asleep before he spoke again, his voice almost startling him, even with how soft it was.

“Ya still haven’t answered my question from the other night.”

Eiichi’s lips parted. “What question?” He knew exactly what question Van was referring to.

Van’s hand trailed up to the tips of Eiichi’s ears, fingers idly playing with some rogue strands of auburn. “What is it that you’re afraid of?”

Eiichi felt his throat turn dry. “… Enclosed spaces,” he declared after a few seconds of silence.

Van’s chest rumbled with silent laughter. “That’s not what I meant.” He allowed his free hand to slide down Eiichi’s chest, only stopping when it reached his navel, his palm resting flat against the toned stomach. “Eiichi, you’re pushin’ me away. Why is that?”

The pregnant silence that followed was unbearable. Not even the sound of Nagi's faint whining as he tossed and turned in his bedsheets provided any comfort to either of them.

Van sighed, taking Eiichi’s refusal to answer as license to continue. “Ya wouldn’t kiss me back at all last night. I was pretty much makin’ out with you, an’ you just sat there an’ _let_ me do it, without doin’ anythin’ on yer own. But ya didn’t stop me either. Made me think ya didn’t want me to do it, but then you told me not to stop an’ I don’t… I dunno what I’m s’posed t’ make of that.” His voice trickled off at the end, fading into a melancholy tone. “I don’t… I dunno if you’re just leadin’ me on, or - ”

“Leading you on?” Eiichi twisted around to face him, his amethyst eyes glinting with anger as their gazes met. “ _Leading you on_? You really think I’m the type of person who would do that, Van? You _really_ think I would sink to that level?”

“Well, when one minute you’re cuddlin’ me an’ the next I’m on top of you makin’ out with you an’ gettin’ absolutely _nothin’_ back, I don’t know what else I’m s’posed t’ think is happenin’.”

Eiichi’s features contorted into a scowl. “I’m not _obligated_ to kiss you back, Van. I don’t owe you my kisses.”

A clear look of hurt flashed across Van’s dark eyes, his Adam’s apple pulsating in his throat as he gulped. A feeling of guilt rushed through the other man like an electric shock. “Fine. Then I guess I’ll stop tryin’.”

He unraveled himself from Eiichi, flipping over onto his other side so that he was facing Yamato’s back instead. The blonde kicked out in his sleep, the heel of his foot colliding with Van’s shin, but Van pretended not to be bothered by it.

Was that Eiichi’s only skill, aside from his musical talents? Fucking things up? Because he seemed to be doing a _lot_ of that lately, and with flying colors each time. Sighing, he moved closer to his friend. “Trying to do _what_ , Van?”

“To actually _be_ somethin’ with you. To pretend like we have somethin’ when _clearly_ we don’t, if you’re not interested. I don’t wanna keep wastin’ my time, an’ I don’t wanna bother ya with somethin’ you’re clearly too good for.”

“Too good?” Eiichi hissed. The volume of his voice rose with every word, but he still tried to contain himself, lest he wake up the other five inhabitants of the room. “ _Too_ good? Van, my problem is that I’m not good _enough_.”

This piqued the older man’s curiosity. He rotated back around, eyes alight with concern as they met his friend’s.

Eiichi released a rough sigh before continuing. “Van, I genuinely want us to have something too, just as much as you do. Maybe even more. Because truth be told, after you kissed my forehead when I was breaking down in the elevator, you’ve been at the forefront of every single one of my thoughts since then.”

Van opened his mouth to speak, but Eiichi stopped him. “Every time we get too close, I get scared. My heart beats fast and my palms get all sweaty and I feel I could just… shut down at any moment, and just start operating on auto-pilot. Even now, being in this bed with you, feeling you _so_ close to me, I’m terrified out of my mind. Feel that.” He grabbed Van by the wrist and stuck his palm firmly against his chest - sure enough, Van could feel rapid palpitations under the skin.

“And when you were on top of me last night, just putting your lips all over me… even though I’d been… practically _craving_ it for so long, the only thing I could think of was how you _shouldn’t_ be doing it. Not because I didn’t want it, because I did, God knows I did, but because I wanted it _too_ badly and I knew it wasn’t good for me.” His voice began to shake. “I don’t… I don’t like to let myself have good things. Having good things never ends well for me. And HE★VENS is the best thing that’s _ever_ happened to me, but I feel like I’m letting myself indulge in you guys and this little found family thing we have going here… I’m indulging in it too much. Because I feel like one day, this will all be taken from me too.”

Eiichi hadn’t even noticed that a tear had begun to carve down his cheek until Van reached out and smeared it away, leaving a damp stain in its wake. “I’m just… I’m a mess, Van, _God_ I’m a fucking mess, I put on this front of always being confident and having my shit together but I really _don’t_. And you’re such an amazing person, like, you’re an actual angel on earth. And you deserve so much better than a hot mess like me. Willingly tying yourself down to someone like me would practically be emotional suicide. And I don’t want to put you through it. I don’t. You deserve the world and I can’t give you that. You need someone who can give you everything that you deserve, and more.”

“What if I don’t need the world, because I already have it?”

Eiichi shifted his gaze up to match Van’s, violet eyes swimming with vulnerability. “Huh?”

A tepid smile spread over Van’s chiseled features, the tiniest crease in his forehead present from his eyebrows pushing towards each other lovingly, sadly. He brought a hand up to cup Eiichi’s cheek, palm resting at his jaw. “What if you _are_ my world, Eiichi?”

Eiichi stared at Van with wide eyes as the sentence echoed in his head, ricocheting off the walls of his skull. There was no way Van had just said that, and _meant_ it. A tide was welling up inside Eiichi. Everything was happening at once and it was so much, so many more emotions than he had ever experienced in his entire life and so much more than his body was capable of holding.

All at once, the flood suddenly broke. The roaring in Eiichi’s ears went mute, he felt a pressure from behind his eyes, and an arsenal of tears was bulleting down his cheeks.

Van said nothing, only scooped him closer and cradled the back of his head, his other hand going to Eiichi’s waist. Eiichi could see the contours of Van’s neck magnifying under the droplets, focusing on every single iota of skin that was so familiar and yet so foreign.

It was just like that day in the elevator, except that Eiichi’s tears were calmer, more controlled, contrary to the reckless sobbing and ragged hyperventilating that the elevator had pushed him into. But they still poured out of him relentlessly, showing no signs of stopping any time soon. And just like last time, Van was there. He was there, holding Eiichi to his chest firmly but touching him gently, his hands just barely skating over him as if Eiichi was made of glass and would shatter if Van wasn’t delicate enough. He smelled so good and his body was so warm and Eiichi just lost himself in the affection his friend was spoiling him with. Van stroked his hair and buried his face into the mussed brunette locks, whispering over and over again that it was okay, everything was going to be okay.

His tears finally ebbed, his sniffles lulling in the dead quiet of the room. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against Van’s neck. “I shouldn’t… I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

Van pushed him up so that they were face to face again, his features alight with the gentlest of smiles. “Maybe I can help ya figure it out.”

Eiichi swiped at the residual tears on his cheeks. “It’s just… it’s just that you’re so _wonderful_ , Van. I can’t even begin to put into words how wonderful you are. And I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you. That’s the last thing I would ever want.” His lower lip trembled.

“And ya think ya would?” Van traced the remaining streaks of dried tears with the nail of his thumb. “Eiichi, you have _never_ hurt me. You’ve brought me nothin’ but friendship an’ happiness ever since I first met ya. I know you’ve got yer faults, but I’m far from perfect either.”

Eiichi snorted. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Van blushed, but continued. “I see the you that no one else sees. I know who ya truly are on the inside an’ _that’s_ the Eiichi that I have feelings for. Not the one who acts all big fer the cameras… though I gotta admit, that Eiichi’s got his charms too.” He clicked his tongue, casting a playful smirk at his friend before going on. “You’re caring. You’re selfless. You’re always lookin’ out fer everybody. Ya know how t’ have fun. You _are_ strong, even if ya say it’s just a front. You’re secretly self-conscious of the way ya look, even though I think you’re the most beautiful man on the planet.”

A deep vermilion hue spread through Eiichi’s face at that last confession.

“These are all things that I know about ya, because I _know_ you. The _real_ you. And I find endearment in every single one of ’em, because they’re what make you, you.”

Van took a deep breath before pushing the next sentence out of his chest. “Eiichi, I think I’m in love wi-”

He was silenced by a finger that pressed itself firmly against his lips. His eyes flickered down to the finger, then traveled up the arm it was attached to before finally settling on the face it belonged to. Meeting his gaze with twitching eyebrows, Eiichi sighed. “Don’t. Please don’t, Van… look. I care about you so, _so_ much. More than I’ve probably ever cared about anyone. You mean the world to me and I… I think you and I are on the same page here, is what I’m trying to say. I just…” He swallowed thickly, the saliva lubricating his throat that had become dry. “I need time. Before I’m ready to hear it said in those exact words. Is that okay with you?”

“Of course it’s okay with me.” Van coiled a lock of Eiichi’s hair around his index finger. “Ya know I’ll wait for you until you’re ready. I would wait a thousand years for you.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Well, hopefully I won’t need that many years, but no pressure. Am I allowed t’ say that I would write a love song about you?”

“Sure.”

“I would write a hundred love songs about you. I could write a love song of twenty seven minutes and it would just be about when I kissed ya last night.”

Not saying anything, just looking at him with his huge mauve eyes, Eiichi listened. The heat blossoming between their two mingling bodies was a lot. He leaned his head back, trying to get some air, but it didn’t do much.

“I’m already writin’ it in my head,” Van finally said after a while.

“Is it any good?”

“No.”

Eiichi smiled at this, concealing his mouth behind his hand to stifle the laughter that threatened to bubble out of him and disturb the others. “Maybe I should help you write it.”

“But then it won’t be special. It’s gotta be a message from me to you; if ya help me write it, it defeats the whole purpose.”

“Fine. But then I’ll write you my own love song. And mine’s gonna be twenty _eight_ minutes long.”

“Eiichan, can I kiss you again?”

It was such an innocent question, but to Eiichi, it held such weight that it hung in the darkness of the room for what felt like hours after it had left Van’s lips. Their breathing seemed suspended in the air between them as they stared at each other. Eiichi chewed his lower lip, weighing his options. On the one hand, it was much appreciated that Van had _asked_ first, unlike all those other times. Plus, it was a ridiculously tempting offer, like some kind of forbidden fruit that the devil on Eiichi’s shoulder was begging him to take a bite of. Except it wasn’t forbidden, because Van’s lips were right there in front of him, soft and lush and pink and looking like they would feel so comfortable against his, and no evil or mayhem would occur if he did take that alluring bite.

On the other hand, Eiichi already felt sparks igniting inside his chest, and he hadn’t even given Van the green light to use the L-word yet. If anything else happened, he might explode.

“… Anywhere but the lips. Okay?” He moved in closer once again, granting Van easier access to his many available kissing-spots.

A bright grin eclipsed Van’s features, one that would put the sun to shame. He leaned in closer, his lips landing right on the tip of Eiichi’s nose. Eiichi blinked in response to the contact, making Van giggle. He lightly tapped the spot he had kissed, then kissed it again. “Wanna cuddle fer the rest of the night?” he offered.

“Can I be little spoon?”

“Anythin’ ya want.”

“Then yes.”

They gifted each other with a mutual grin of agreement, then Eiichi shifted over so his back was facing Van once more. Those small, familiar arms took to his waist once again, cocooning him into his own safe haven. Eiichi didn’t take long to fall asleep, shrouded in a happiness he had not previously known existed - at least, not for himself. But now, he had it. And he had it because he was taking it for himself. He deserved to be happy, just as anybody else. So he was allowing himself to be.

Everything was fine.


	6. the time eiichi kissed back

Falling in love for the first time felt like entering a cold body of water in the dead of a hot, muggy summer afternoon. You dip your toe in, and an icy sensation streaks up your leg and makes goosebumps scatter across your skin. You’re reluctant to jump in, to willingly submerge yourself in that bitter, harrowing cold. But you finally do it anyways. You hold your breath and you take the plunge, and as the freezing water swirls around you, you rise to the surface and the sun kisses your wet skin and you realize how nice it feels. How desperately you needed to refresh yourself and find some salvation from the hellish humidity that brutally assaulted you.

That was exactly what Eiichi was feeling. His feelings for Van terrified him, but they were so exhilarating at the same time. Van wasn’t just a cold swimming pool; he was an entire ocean that Eiichi was diving right into the middle of, fully intending to make his way to the deepest depths. If you spent enough time soaking in a body of water, no matter how cold it started out, your body would eventually grow used to the sensation, and it would begin to feel warm. That's not how things were with Van. With Van, Eiichi felt the warmth swathing him instantly, the cold dissipating as soon as his body and the water met.

It was a nice feeling. A foreign feeling, but an overwhelmingly pleasant one nonetheless, and Eiichi was addicted to it already. Sometimes, though, he wondered if it really was love. If he had never been in love before, after all, how could he tell? He had no frame of reference, no other points in his life to compare this strange sensation to.

Then Van would turn over to look at him in the mornings, his hair mussed and his face alight with the most radiant smile on earth, and any and all of Eiichi’s doubts would instantly melt away.

Taking things slow was a given. It was an unspoken rule between them, but it was how they both wanted things to be, so it was how they did them. Van always silently asked for approval before doing anything. He would skate his fingers over Eiichi’s knuckles before he entwined their hands, or lightly touch a spot on Eiichi’s body before he kissed it. He would wait for the smile passing over Eiichi’s lips or the excited, almost childlike sparkle in his eyes. Every single time, he would get them, but he always liked to be sure. You know, just in case.

They still hadn’t kissed each other for real (at least not since the official start of their relationship; the kiss at the party hardly counted, anyways), and Eiichi had yet to kiss Van anywhere. Van was ready, of course, he had been since day one. But Eiichi wasn’t. Van knew this, so he didn’t push it. He would never push him into anything beyond what he felt he could handle. Van never said anything he didn’t mean with his entire being, and what he’d whispered into the dark of the hotel room that night still rang true; he would wait for Eiichi as long as the other man needed.

For now, he was perfectly content with being the bearer of all kisses, and keeping his kisses away from lip territory. Cheeks, forehead, ears, neck, and nose were all fair game, though, and Van made sure he never wasted a second that could have been spent kissing him.

Eiichi usually woke up before Van, but one morning the roles were reversed. Eiichi was stirred from his sleep by the feeling of a thumb pawing at his chin. His brows crinkled, eyes fluttering open and blinking several times to help adjust to the violent sheen of the morning sun. His vision wasn’t at its best due to the lack of glasses on his face, but he could still see Van clearly enough - not too complicated to do, when the other man’s face hovered just inches from his.

“Hiiii,” Van purred, his voice colorful and animated and full with all the wonder of a child having woken up their parents on Christmas.

“Hi,” Eiichi grunted, voice still thick with sleep. “What are you doing?”

“You drool in yer sleep,” Van replied, grinning at him lopsidedly and showing off his cute teeth. “I was wipin’ the crust off.”

“What?” Eiichi’s hands flew to the lower half of his face, scrubbing at the spot Van had already cleaned. “I do _not_ drool.”

“Ya totally do!” Van laughed, flicking him in the forehead. “It’s cute.”

Eiichi rolled his eyes. “Oh, well. At least I don’t snore like a goddamn freight train.”

Van gasped dramatically, clutching his chest and raising his eyebrows in mock offense. “I beg yer pardon? Eiichan, I thought ya _liked_ my snorin’! I’m hurt!”

“Just because I love you enough to tolerate it doesn’t mean I _enjoy_ it.”

“Yeah, well just becau- wait. Just because you _what_?”

A sudden realization sent shockwaves through Eiichi’s body, heat reaching all the way into the tips of his ears. His mind flashed with a million thoughts at once as he thought back to the past few moments. He really had said the L-word, hadn’t he? The word that, all those nights ago, he told Van was forbidden from usage between them until further notice. And then, without him having even lended any thought to it, it just slipped past his lips. He didn’t _mean_ to say it, it just happened, and now they were staring at each other, the world seeming to slow around them.

Then Van’s mouth sprawled into the most shit-eating grin, his honey eyes wide and sparkling. Eiichi found comfort in the thought of crawling under a rock and remaining there for as long as he wanted to. “Oh my god, _Eiichan_!”

Eiichi found himself sheathed tightly into one of Van’s ruthless Van-hugs, the air being compressed out of his lungs as Van squeezed his torso. The scarlet hue in his face was now more the fault of lack of oxygen than his own embarrassment.

It wasn’t necessarily that he was embarrassed; Van knew that Eiichi loved him, and Eiichi knew the same for him. That was no secret. Even if it had never been spoken in words up until this point, it was always _there_. Nothing would change now that Eiichi had expressed it verbally. It was just that… the timing was bad. It was unplanned and spontaneous, and nothing Eiichi Otori _ever_ did was unplanned or spontaneous. It completely went against everything he stood for.

Though he’d never admit it, Eiichi had spent a good chunk of his free time fantasizing about the moment he and Van would exchange their first “I love you”s. Perhaps it would be over a candlelit dinner, with a vase sprouting crimson roses placed between them, dim golden lights coating Van’s face when Eiichi reached over to stroke his cheek as he professed his love. Maybe they’d be stargazing, huddling together to shield themselves from the cold of the night as they gazed up at the indigo velvet of the sky above them, and their words would come out in white puffs of breath in front of them before they turned to connect their lips with the twinkling lights of the city watching them. Maybe it would be at a beach, their voices competing with the rush of the ocean waves crashing against the shore and the whipping of the wind that was battering their hair to their faces, and Eiichi would savor the taste of Van’s lips mixed with the salt of the ocean air.

But it was none of those things. It was in Eiichi’s bed (which had since become their shared bed), thrown out casually in the middle of some typical banter for them on an average, lazy morning. There was no strategy behind it, no planning that went into it. Just those three words embedded into an otherwise irrelevant sentence.

And his method of doing damage control was, of course, to make things worse than they needed to be. So the only response he could come up with was, “I didn’t say anything.”

Van’s shoulders trembled as he squealed with laughter like a high school girl. “You did! Ya totally did, oh my God, Eiichan, don’t lie to me.” He shoved Eiichi’s shoulders lightly. “C’mon, say it again, pleeease? Please please please plea-”

His pleas were abruptly stopped short by the impact of a pillow colliding into the side of his face.

Van blinked, stunned from the initial blow. He frowned before a look of mischief eclipsed his face. “Ohoho, you are _askin’_ fer trouble, Eiichan.”

He grabbed a pillow of his own from his side of the bed. Eiichi scrambled to get away, but not before he was harshly thwacked on his lower back, sending him tumbling face-down on the battress. Biting his lip to suppress a grin, Eiichi pulled himself back up and delivered another blow to Van’s face. He couldn’t help but laugh at the little grunt that sounded from his partner, even when Van licked his lips vindictively and pounced towards him.

They were a tangle of scuffling limbs, rolling around in knotted bedsheets and laughing wildly, freely as they attacked each other with their plush weapons. They could hear shouts from downstairs telling them to be quiet, all of which went ignored by the two lovers.

During one particularly heated moment, Eiichi grabbed Van by the forearms just as he was about to strike him again, and flipped him onto his back. The pillow was flung out of his hands and rocketed towards the wall before dropping down to the floor, wrinkled and forgotten about. Before he could reach for it, Van’s hands were pinned above his head, his face flushed and chest rapidly rising and falling with heavy breaths. Eiichi loomed over him, their cheeks matching in redness and their panting in sync with one another.

And then, Eiichi dipped his head down and closed the distance between their lips.

Van’s eyes snapped wide open for a split second, but it didn’t take him long to reciprocate. He closed his eyes and pushed back against Eiichi with just as much force, savoring the feeling of the other man’s lips against his. They were soft. Warm. Everything he had expected them to be. He slid his hands up Eiichi’s back, around his shoulders and along his jaw, leaving them there to hold his face as they melted against one another.

Eiichi tasted like cinnamon and Van tasted like citrus. They could each feel warm breath against their noses. Sparks seemed to be bursting from the spot where they were connected. They departed for the briefest of moments, only for Eiichi to whisper another, more gentle “I love you” against Van’s mouth, his words becoming swallowed by those lips once more.

“I love you too,” Van breathed when they finally pulled apart. “I… _God_ , I love you so much, it’s killing me, Eiichi.”

“Please don’t die,” Eiichi murmured, planting another kiss along the dip in Van’s collarbone.

“I won't, 'cause then I'd hafta miss out on bein’ with you,” Van whispered, leaning down to kiss Eiichi’s forehead.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Huh?”

“For every single kiss you’ve given me, I want to give you one back,” Eiichi asserted. He straightened his spine so he could get a better look at Van’s dazed face and _Lord_ , was it a sight to behold. “So tell me how many I owe you.”

Van snorted, covering his forehead with the back of his hand. “Dunno, I wasn’t countin’. Wasn’t even aware I was s’posed to be.”

“For the sake of evening it out, let’s just say it’s a hundred.”

Van grinned. “I have no objections to that.”

A torrent of kisses descended upon the brunette, across his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his chin, his neck, his ears, his chest, his arms. Van laughed as he drank them in. Neither of them were counting, so they couldn’t be sure if it was exactly a hundred, but it was probably close to it. Just one kiss from Eiichi felt like a hundred, anyways.

It wasn’t at a beach or in front of candlelight or under the stars. There were no fireworks or violins. But there were two people who were desperately in love with one another.

Sunlight began to drip in from the slits in the window curtains, enveloping their room in a golden glow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! ♡


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